100 Pages of Douchebags
Our internet has been out for about 5 days now, so please excuse the truancy in updating. Now then:
Last night we ordered pizza. After giving our order, address, and phone number, we waited. After the 45 minutes we were told it would take expired we waited some more and finally gave up hope. On the surface this is a seemly normal experience that I'm sure everyone has gone through before.
Then about an hour later when Dayna and I started discussing what happened, the reality of the whole situation hit us like a ton of bricks. A ton of hilarious laughing bricks. We laughed non-stop for 5 minutes after dissecting the transaction that never took place that night.
This is how a pizza joint makes money: You get together some capital, do some planning, rent/build the building, hire some employees, and then begin advertising. All your eggs are in the basket now and you wait: Anxious and nervous, hopeful for any business you can get to support your family. As you sit there realizing that 90% of new restaraunts fail, somebody calls.
Miraculously a customer that has been bombarded with countless advertisements and suggestions from friends and family choses, of all people, you to purchase their pizza from. Things are going to be okay.
At this point the ball is in your court. The most insane thing you could do is NOT make the pizza and bring it to the person who is sitting there waiting to give you more money than it actually cost you to make the pizza and get it there. This is the fundamental principal that your business as well as every other business in human history is based upon. Without actually making and delivering the pizza, there's really no other reason for your business to exist.
We are still struggling mentally, emotionally, and in a way spiritually with what happened last night. They had our phone number and we live 5 minutes away. Where did the whole process break down? Was it us? Did we even order in the first place? Is this some kind of new Japanese business model?
The point of all this is that I stumbled upon the "Lawyers" section in the yellow pages while looking for pizza. It's the orange one. That's all lawyers. Based on these ads, I will assure any Canadian that despite everything bad you've heard about suing and lawyers in the US, it's much much worse. I know for a fact that last night we could have gotten a lawyer on our doorstep much faster than a medium with pineapple and extra cheese.
Needless to say, it's 100 pages of classy fonts, ruinous deceit and silver hair. One ad was just a huge stack of $50 bills and the lawyer's name! Suing is the answer to just about every problem in America. And forgive if I'm wrong but from what I've seen this is starting to happen in Canada now. It has been communicated to Dayna that her duties at work, in order of importance, are A) Don't get sued. B) Care for the sick and needy, save lives, and make this world a better place to live in. C) See A. These lawyers and the idiots who seek their council are largely responsible for the defensive culture of fear and entitlement that is quite easy to observe when you move here. Let's take a look shall we:
Berglund, Johnson, Sommer and apparently Jesus want you to call 1800-4ifhurt if you are hurt. WWJD? Sue dammit, sue!
Unforgivable. Completely unforgivable.
Dale K Galipo (who looks like he has a cousin who knows how to make problems...go away) has been dubbed the "Strikes Man". There are three requirements to hire Dale K Galipo:
1)You've done something horrible.
2)You've done it more than three times.
3)You want to do it again.
If you can answer yes to all of these questions, Dale's your guy!
This one is my "fave" because of the pictures.
Note from left to right:
Exhibit A) The "Whistle Blower". He's calling in some hardcore white collar crime from the 50th floor of his office. Sure he's got the drive and the college degree, but he's also got that moral fibre to call Danz & Gerber when something in the accounting department starts to smells like shit!
Exhibit B) An Afro-Amercian who is obviously getting screwed, yet again, by
"The Man" who is sitting directly across from him. Look at "The Man" carefully, he's thinking "This guys got a gun. I know it. He's got a gun. How can I hire someone who carries a gun?".
Exhibit C) The winner, and the one worth reading all this way for. What the heck!?!? Nobody in history has ever been so shocked in the workplace. What type of misplaced discourteous comment could have been muttered to upset this woman so? Where are the man's hands? This lady needs to call Danz & Gerber like yesterday!
Let's hope Canada doesn't get this bad. And let's hope it doesn't get this bad either.
Next time I just might go over some out-and-about games you can play while driving in LA that Dayna and I have invented such as "White Person White Person", "Wants To or Has To" (which has something to do with sweatpants), and "Wife or Daughter" (which is fairly self explanatory).
Once again, miss family and friends.
"Got to the video shop in a state, but chuffed it wouldn't be late
Only when he flicked open the case, I'd left the disc at my place." - the streets
Last night we ordered pizza. After giving our order, address, and phone number, we waited. After the 45 minutes we were told it would take expired we waited some more and finally gave up hope. On the surface this is a seemly normal experience that I'm sure everyone has gone through before.
Then about an hour later when Dayna and I started discussing what happened, the reality of the whole situation hit us like a ton of bricks. A ton of hilarious laughing bricks. We laughed non-stop for 5 minutes after dissecting the transaction that never took place that night.
This is how a pizza joint makes money: You get together some capital, do some planning, rent/build the building, hire some employees, and then begin advertising. All your eggs are in the basket now and you wait: Anxious and nervous, hopeful for any business you can get to support your family. As you sit there realizing that 90% of new restaraunts fail, somebody calls.
Miraculously a customer that has been bombarded with countless advertisements and suggestions from friends and family choses, of all people, you to purchase their pizza from. Things are going to be okay.
At this point the ball is in your court. The most insane thing you could do is NOT make the pizza and bring it to the person who is sitting there waiting to give you more money than it actually cost you to make the pizza and get it there. This is the fundamental principal that your business as well as every other business in human history is based upon. Without actually making and delivering the pizza, there's really no other reason for your business to exist.
We are still struggling mentally, emotionally, and in a way spiritually with what happened last night. They had our phone number and we live 5 minutes away. Where did the whole process break down? Was it us? Did we even order in the first place? Is this some kind of new Japanese business model?
The point of all this is that I stumbled upon the "Lawyers" section in the yellow pages while looking for pizza. It's the orange one. That's all lawyers. Based on these ads, I will assure any Canadian that despite everything bad you've heard about suing and lawyers in the US, it's much much worse. I know for a fact that last night we could have gotten a lawyer on our doorstep much faster than a medium with pineapple and extra cheese.
Needless to say, it's 100 pages of classy fonts, ruinous deceit and silver hair. One ad was just a huge stack of $50 bills and the lawyer's name! Suing is the answer to just about every problem in America. And forgive if I'm wrong but from what I've seen this is starting to happen in Canada now. It has been communicated to Dayna that her duties at work, in order of importance, are A) Don't get sued. B) Care for the sick and needy, save lives, and make this world a better place to live in. C) See A. These lawyers and the idiots who seek their council are largely responsible for the defensive culture of fear and entitlement that is quite easy to observe when you move here. Let's take a look shall we:
Berglund, Johnson, Sommer and apparently Jesus want you to call 1800-4ifhurt if you are hurt. WWJD? Sue dammit, sue!
Unforgivable. Completely unforgivable.
Dale K Galipo (who looks like he has a cousin who knows how to make problems...go away) has been dubbed the "Strikes Man". There are three requirements to hire Dale K Galipo:
1)You've done something horrible.
2)You've done it more than three times.
3)You want to do it again.
If you can answer yes to all of these questions, Dale's your guy!
This one is my "fave" because of the pictures.
Note from left to right:
Exhibit A) The "Whistle Blower". He's calling in some hardcore white collar crime from the 50th floor of his office. Sure he's got the drive and the college degree, but he's also got that moral fibre to call Danz & Gerber when something in the accounting department starts to smells like shit!
Exhibit B) An Afro-Amercian who is obviously getting screwed, yet again, by
"The Man" who is sitting directly across from him. Look at "The Man" carefully, he's thinking "This guys got a gun. I know it. He's got a gun. How can I hire someone who carries a gun?".
Exhibit C) The winner, and the one worth reading all this way for. What the heck!?!? Nobody in history has ever been so shocked in the workplace. What type of misplaced discourteous comment could have been muttered to upset this woman so? Where are the man's hands? This lady needs to call Danz & Gerber like yesterday!
Let's hope Canada doesn't get this bad. And let's hope it doesn't get this bad either.
Next time I just might go over some out-and-about games you can play while driving in LA that Dayna and I have invented such as "White Person White Person", "Wants To or Has To" (which has something to do with sweatpants), and "Wife or Daughter" (which is fairly self explanatory).
Once again, miss family and friends.
"Got to the video shop in a state, but chuffed it wouldn't be late
Only when he flicked open the case, I'd left the disc at my place." - the streets
posted by Gareth at
Monday, January 30, 2006
22 Comments:
hmmm...there's some not-quite-subliminal content in this post that, in a nano-moment of lucid reflection right before the train hits, just might make you wonder..."gee, should I have run that crossing?" Perhaps Dale K Galipo or one of his crew aren't blog fans and thereby, through the grace of luck, we'll avoid his trotting off to the Court of Callabas with fifty bucks and a boilerplate Statement of Claim citing real or perceived transgressions, the sum total of which is most purely designed to make a blogger's life a proxy hell whilst lining his pockets. Plus, it's his idea of good fun. On the other hand, can't run scared...what's blogging about anyway if not unfettered-without-reprisal-sticking-it-to-the-Man? Conundrum.
By
Anonymous, at January 31, 2006
Hmmm. Lots of big words in that post . . .
. . . LAWYER. HA, I found you out.
By
Anonymous, at January 31, 2006
Then there are the advertisements on the buses. "¿LASTIMADO AL TRABAJO? LLAME A FULANO Y FULANO, ABOGADOS"
I've run two suits in my life -- one was a suit in Chancery Court to force my landlord to turn on the heat (he did, but only for two hours a day), and one was a suit against a spammer in Newport Beach who text-messaged my cell phone with an unsolicited ad. The latter netted me $512.50 -- $500 for the penalty imposed by the law in question and $12.50 for costs in Small Claims Court and was mostly to make a point and show the spammer that it's really easy to find out who they are.
By
Anonymous, at January 31, 2006
Another fun game to play while driving in Hollywood or West Hollywood (or possibly Silver Lake, but not quite as challenging), is "Guess The Gender" which is also fairly self-explanatory.
Of course, there's no way to be sure who the winner is. I guess the way to resolve that problem would be to have an impartial "judge" along in the car whose rulings would be final.
By
Scott, at January 31, 2006
And, of course, "real or not real" in the Studio City Ralphs at Ventura and Vineland.
By
Anonymous, at January 31, 2006
Berglund specializes in airplane crashes, that's something. i guess there is a market for suing the shit out of other airplane crash survivors and pilots who barely made it. Gareth, jer blew out his good knee playing indoor. It might be his acl.
By
Anonymous, at January 31, 2006
Chris, I'm wondering about the same thing with the one with the Jesus fish. Did these guys actually represent Jesus at his trial? If so I don't think they thought this ad through because that trial didn't turn out so well.
Dammit Jer. Pretty soon he'll be one of those guys with no legs on a skateboard pushing with his hands if he keeps this up! That sucks.
By
Gareth, at February 01, 2006
Thanks for the link Gareth. I've been looking for a place that sells quality freezing cool polo-shirts for when I play Zaxxon on ColecoVision!
By
Anonymous, at February 02, 2006
relaxing in the study with a cool glass of lemonade, sporting my gaming wear, playing Pitfall II on Commodore 64. yes.
By
Anonymous, at February 02, 2006
Or if you prefer, Congo Bongo, Beachhead, Chilli Willi, Buck Rogers, King Tut's Revenge, or Impossible Mission. I think you can pack all those games onto one big floppy disk.
By
Anonymous, at February 02, 2006
Ummmmmm, how did you guys miss QB-Sneak? Hello?
By
Gareth, at February 03, 2006
I used to play driving games like you Gareth. Then I picked up a GMC sierra and things got a whole lot more serious.
By
Anonymous, at February 09, 2006
Dude, why didn't you call and ask where your pizza was? I'm sad.
P.S. where does that sexual harassment lady work? I need to get me some ;)
By
Anonymous, at February 11, 2006
I really want to know the full rules to "wants to or has to"...
By
maz, at February 21, 2006
Dale K Galipo is full of shit. He is substantially older me and was my lawyer in a law suit. By the end of the week of trial,he was taking me out for a drink, and eventually telling me things I wanted to hear. He basically used my body for a year and then dropped me like a dismissed case. No remorse ever flowed his way for what he did.
By
Anonymous, at May 12, 2006
I went to HS wioth him and he does not have a cousin who can make things go away- he was always a pretty good guy.
By
Kmandingo, at November 27, 2010
He did use to manage a group opf male strippers called the Italian Stallions (lol). He did grow quite tall after HS, almost didn't recognize him.
By
Kmandingo, at November 27, 2010
Dale Galipo is a scam scum bag lawyer who makes his living suing police departments. He doesnt bring any evidence to the table but sways an every stupid jury made of people to dumb to avoid jury duty to beleive his bullshit and collects on it to make his toyota celica payment...loser
By
Anonymous, at February 13, 2011
Thank you and God bless you. When my nephew was found "not guilty" with your representation Mr.Galepo my familiy will forever support you. You were trusting, thorough and went out of your way to make a Grandfather that had no idea of what you were talking about because his lack of education, but all he said was "can you bring my boy home"? You said " I give you my word, I'm going to try everything I can to do that"
For everything you did for us, we will never forget it or you. Lovingly, Family of Q. Morris
By
Anonymous, at September 16, 2011
I stumbled onto this blog by accident, and not that it matters, but I felt I needed to post a comment even though it was written over 6 yrs ago.
I've never been a fan of lawyers or the sue happy culture we've become. Recently, I was called to serve jury duty and ended up on a trial for the first time in my life. The prosecutor was Dale Galipo. My first impression, before the trial began, was exactly what you posted. In fact, I just assumed he was a consultant on the Sopranos at some point.
However, during the trial and after the trial meeting/speaking w/ both attorneys, I had a completely different opinion of him.
He went out of his way to be courteous to the defendant, even though she was lying through her teeth. Never once tried to shame her, or embarrass her even though she couldn't keep her story straight. He was nothing but 100% professional and very prepared.
He totally changed my impression of attorneys, especially when I just want to jump to conclusions based on appearances. I've have told numerous people about my experience, and about how badly I misjudged him from day one.
If I ever need any legal counsel, I would not hesitate to contact Dale Galipo.
By
Unknown, at November 15, 2012
Spent an evening with Dale Galipo driving all over Riverside and San Bernardino back in his stripper days. Not that kind of evening, but another...Great to see he is doing so well. He was a nice guy.
By
Anonymous, at November 08, 2014
I'm a lawyer in Southern California, although I do transactional matters and don't sue people. I have heard very good things about Dale K. Galipo, his professionalism and skill. Yes, he represents clients who have claims against police departments, often with multi-million dollar verdicts in Federal District Court. I hate to see taxpayers pay when a police officer(s) is found to have used excessive force. However the cure is for the police departments to better screen employees and modify their training to avoid such a result, rather than make police departments immune from consequences.
By
Anonymous, at February 11, 2015
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