We's in California

Wednesday, December 20, 2006

You're dialed in to "THE BUZZARD!!!!!"

We are somewhere in Kansas right now, but I'm not exactly sure where. As I've been driving two 12+ hour days it's been a bit of a blur but I do know:

1) The worlds largest meteor crater is somewhere in Arizona but costs $15 to see. Doesn't the worlds largest meteor crater sounds like something that should be in the public domain? It is in fact one of the many "World's Largest" that we've seen along the way, many of which are probably the "The World's Only Example of a Larger than Normal X", X being dreamcatcher, ball of yarn, etc.

2) Somebody has re-recorded Tom Cochran's 1991 hit "Life is a Highway" and it is quite popular on the AM dial in northern Texas. When my best friend in grade 5 finds out he's gonna be pissed.

3) 93.9 "The Buzzard" in Kansas plays exactly the kind of music you would expect it to.

4) Most of the hotels on the I-56 in Kansas are in fact motels that look like soon after you check in you'll discover that you share birthdays with all of the guests in the motel and soon your night decends into a dillusional dream of murder and intrigue only to awaken to reality in the morning.

5) When it snows in New Mexico the state shuts down.

6) Most small farm towns in Arizona, New Mexico, northern Texas, and Kansas are hanging by a thread as corporate farms continue to do that funny thing they do.

7) Seeing high density feedlots leak their poison into the American heartland reminds me why I call myself a vegetarian but still eat meat once a week or when nobody I know is present.

Got to go: COPS is on.


  • The band doing the note for note knock off of Life is a Highway won an American Music Award for best new country band. Well not quite note for note, Cochran's vocals are better. Hope this dosen't develop into a pattern, I mean what's next, Lenny Kravitz doing American Woman? Y'all better get yer butts back up here before you hear Courtney Love doing Joni Mitchell. Travel safe.

    By Anonymous AL, at December 21, 2006  

  • 2) The original was road kill so why would anyone record a re-run? Oh...yeah...Texas.

    4) That's not Kansas, it's Tennessee...or Mississippi. Who knows; it's some place you'd look for the one-eyed Jesus. If it is Kansas you ought to be in the West End by the 22nd, well in front of the originally anticipated Christmas Eve.

    6) The thing they do is grow grub cheap. American Gothic died twenty years ago. You need a time machine to lay a wreath, so put a fork in it, it's done.

    7) That's not poison. That's organic fertilizer. The same sh_t that's shot all over those organic vegetables to make 'em green. Yummmmy.

    COPS. Ever notice how much time is spent searching tenements on wheels? Speaking of which,

    "Oh, the silent majesty of a winter's morn... the clean, cool chill of the holiday air... an asshole in his bathrobe, emptying a chemical toilet into my sewer..."

    ~Clark Griswold

    Merry Christmas and welcome home.

    By Anonymous W in W, at December 24, 2006  

  • I'm still acclimatizing. How does anyone live here?! It's so nipply. I mean nippy.

    By Blogger Gareth, at December 26, 2006  

  • Here to hoping you continue to blog in your new home. I've enjoyed your writing and look forward to your take on a place that I don't live.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at January 04, 2007  

  • dude, it's like a month already. write something.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at January 20, 2007  

  • To the red country and part of the gray country of Oklahoma, the last rains came gently, and they did not cut the scarred earth. The plows crossed and recrossed the rivulet marks. The last rains lifted the corn quickly and scattered weed colonies and grass along the sides of the roads so that the gray country and the dark red country began to disappear under a green cover. In the last part of May the sky grew pale and the clouds that had hung in high puffs for so long in the spring were dissipated.The sun flared down on the growing corn day after day until a line of brown spread along the edge of each green bayonet. The clouds appeared, and went away, and in a while they did not try anymore.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at February 07, 2007  

  • I like this blog..

    Thanks for sharing...


    By Anonymous Anonymous, at July 21, 2009  

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