Bumper Stickers 101. On the 101.

I'm going to list the top 5 bumper stickers in Los Angeles. This is not just based on some guy's casual observation, this is data collected, collated and co-agulated through thousands of hours of cutting edge data-collection, collation, and co-agulation technologies, as well as my casual observation.

These are ranked by popularity, not by my personal preference. None of these would make my top five if that were the case. Except for number 5. And number 1.

5) Calvin from Calvin and Hobbes pissing on something.
While it is common knowledge that it takes a certain kind of person to put a sticker of Calvin pissing on something on the back of your car, the history of this phenomenon is perhaps a little more elusive. It all began with Calvin pissing on a Ford sticker... or was it Chevy? No sooner than these stickers were the de-facto decal of Ford (or was it Chevy?) owners everywhere, the tables were turned and Calvin was pissing on the very symbol of the brand of truck that the original sticker owners drove. While this ingenious reversal of fortunes for Ford (or was it Chevy?) owners was perhaps forseeable, what followed was anything but. Calvin was soon pissing on anything: Mazda's, the Toronto Maple Leafs, the NDP, it just didn't matter anymore.
Until yesterday.
Dayna saw Calvin pissing on the word "Drugs". So it seems in the end that the type of people who would put a sticker of Calvin pissing on something have evolved into paradoxical creatures, for on the one hand they have the capacity to understand that doing drugs is something they want no part of, yet on the other hand they are willing to put a sticker of Calvin pissing on something on the back of their cars. It is as though we are living in the world of MC Escher.

4) Anti-Bush Stickers. George, not Kate... I assume.
Although anti-Bush/War stickers are quite common across the US, Canada, and I'm guessing Iran among other places, in California there seem to be more than usual. Bush for Ex-President, "Bush" in a circle with a line through it, Bush Burned and Raped my Village, Bush Stole my Lunch Money, etc. Some are funny, some are annoying. What happens to these when his term is done?

3) The Rodriguez Family.
I had not seen these in Canada before but basically it's a collection of stick-man type stickers, each one representing each each member of the family, with the name of the family underneath. There are tons of these. They are to be found mostly on Hummers, minivans, stretch Hummers and other great family vehicles. With the divorce rate being what it is (84% are the latest figures I believe) these come in packs of 10 so you can add and remove members as you please. What a sad that that must be when mommy tells junior to get some rubbing alcohol and meet her in the garage because daddy won't be sleeping over anymore. There's something I don't like about these stickers but I can't quite put my finger on it. Maybe its that sense of family pride. I will dwell and perhaps post it in the comments.

2) I Live Vicariously Through my Child stickers.
As has been mentioned before on my blog, the My Child Was the Boner of the Month at Valley High stickers. Most of them are quite vague and are about being a "superstar" or something similar, which I assume means they're getting good grades and are on their way to paying 30 grand a year at UCLA. Last week I saw a bumper sticker that said "My dog is smarter than your honors student." Depends on the student. Depends on the dog.

Finally, THE most popular bumber sticker in the greater Los Angeles:

1) El Cuchy, 97.9 La Raza.
This Spanish speaking station has also come up in this blog before. El Cucuy is the host. From what I understand, radio stations give out prizes to people with their sticker on the car, right? These guys must be giving out some serious prizes then. Maybe if you're sporting a 97.9 La Raza sticker, they pull you over and give you a free fake US visa, which is nice because it saves you a $100 dollars and trip to East LA.

There you have it, I wrote this at work.