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Thursday, December 08, 2005

Dept. of Homeland Security Manual: Section 5, Article 2C

Regarding well educated Canadians from the praries with good jobs and proper identification and paperwork requirements completed, DO NOT BE FOOLED. In a recent study this demographic has proven to be the number 1 trafficker of illegal narcotics, followed in distant second by Columbians in boats who don't speak English and have no identification.

One common tactic these groups of Canadians have been known to employ is to package their household goods in clear plastic containers, thinking that the fact that you can see everything inside will prevent us from opening the package. Again, STAY VIGILANT. As soon as you see this behavior, lift the package above your head and throw it across the room, making sure it lands on it's corner, breaking open and allowing you to inspect the contents that could already see from the outside.

If they ship a computer, DO NOT BE FOOLED. 92% of all drugs and weapons entered the US last year inside the Apple Emac. To make sure it is a computer and not an empty case with drugs or weapons inside, DO NO PLUG IT IN AND TURN IT ON and DO NOT USE SNIFFING DOGS. It may blow up. Instead, rip the back off with a crow bar.

Also, make sure you do a good job of this because we are charging these "Canadians" several hundred dollars for these containers to cross the border and we have a reputation of security and understanding to uphold.

11 Comments:

  • but did they taped up the broken container? That indicates they meant well. I wonder if they do all that and think "Wow, I just ruined someone's stuff... I wonder if someone ate my american cheese and canadian bacon sandwich? I put my name on it. I bet it was Gerald from shipping. I'm gonna take a piss in his water bottle." I bet that's what happens.

    By Blogger blade, at December 08, 2005  

  • whef, that was a close one. that reminds me, how did you get your meth across the border?

    By Blogger Chris, at December 08, 2005  

  • what how does this work?
    man this is funny. i hate gerald.

    By Blogger clitke, at December 09, 2005  

  • Jeese you guys, why do guys think that you need to create a new blog to post comments? Under "Chose an Identity", just pick "My Secret". WHAT?! Actually just pick "Other", then type in a name. Like for instance my nickname when I was starting point guard for the Vincent Massey Vikings in Brandon. Whatever.

    By Anonymous G Dupes, at December 09, 2005  

  • I already had the blog G-Doops. Do you think the blogosphere revolves around YOU? Well.. do ya?!

    By Anonymous My Secret (blade), at December 09, 2005  

  • Blade, I was not referring to your blog in particular. In fact I see your profile is much more complete than mine. And although you DO have essensials taken care of (Neko Case, Housekeeping, Brazil..ect) I must point that under favorite websites you forgot your personal favorite: http://www.geocities.com/jbonlineau

    By Blogger Gareth, at December 09, 2005  

  • hey, just because your blog is more interesting than mine, . . .

    and has a name,. . .

    and content,. . .

    er, never mind.

    By Anonymous chris, at December 09, 2005  

  • Chris, creating content is easy dude. Your first post can be "Hey, here I am. Here's my blog. Check it out." Or you can make if funny: "Hey, here I am. Don't eat the licorice. The licorice has gone bad." You know, just whatever. Just let it flow.

    By Anonymous Gareth Duplooy, at December 10, 2005  

  • Gareth, you can shush.
    you and your comp sci cronies and these so called "bloggers"...
    i just wanted to communicate with my associate gareth who now rides the corporate bone coaster down in tinsel town.

    By Anonymous clitke, at December 12, 2005  

  • Chris, my mom reads this! I had to edit you. yyyyikes! And remember, the main goal of a blog is not for education, communication, or even online status is this crazy blogosphere we call the internet...it's to make you life sound super exciting so your friends still want to hang out with you! Even when it's almost noon and you're still in your pj's and you're tying to convince yourself to brush your teeth and go for a run. Like I'm trying to do right..about.......now.

    By Anonymous gareth, at December 12, 2005  

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